“All Because You Kissed Me Goodnight”

I climbed the door and opened the stairs
Said my pajamas and pull on my prayers
Then turned off the bed and crawled into the light
All because you kissed me goodnight

Next morning I woke and scrambled my shoes
Polished my eggs and toasted the news
I couldn’t tell my left from my right
All because you kissed me goodnight

That evening at last I felt normal again,
So I picked up my mother and called up the phone
I spoke to the puppy and threw Dad a bone
Even at midnight the sun was still bright
All because you kissed me goodnight.

 

Cute poem a professor shared. :)

 

The only annoyance I don’t mind coming back time and time again.

Tonight, I have the guest room all to myself, I have the TV all to myself, and a whole pack of chocolates all to myself. Which, at least before tonight, is what I would kill for every time I stay at my mom’s.

Suddenly I realized that Chandogne likes to hog the TV and keep the chocolates all to himself. I realize I miss my little brother. :(

Chassagne Gautama, ang naliwanagan.

I spoke-actually Facebook chatted- with my mother, and surprisingly, I was enlightened. I really needed someone to talk to. And suddenly staying in UPLB is 75% bearable…

I think I will be okay.
:)

Chassagne is thinking…

What if I just stay in Los Banos and take DevCom?

Cute Conversations Part II

*Me bringing candy*
C: I brought you marshmallows.
R: Wow! Why?
C: Because I know you like marshmallows…
R: Because you know I LOVE marshmallows, and because you love me SO VERY MUCH?
C: Yes. :)

*Me visiting*
C: Hi!
R: Wow, you’re here!
C: I wanted to see you… :)
R: Why, because you love me SO VERY MUCH?

Friends

Pautang. Hahaha.

My phone is seriously fucked up. There is no point of having it repaired ONCE AGAIN because the slightest budge will cause the screen to fuck up again. My brother threw/dropped/broke-it-on-purpose-so-I-could-buy-a-new-one my phone. And I really, really, really need my phone for school, especially when we have group meetings and stuff.

The cheapest phone I found on the internet is P3800.00, and right now I only have around P700.00 in piggy bank savings. How… sad.

Pautang, pahinging pera, whatever. I just need a new/slightly used/FUNCTIONAL phone. Dammit.

Angry

GOD, I HATE THIS PLACE.

Dream

I saw Mama Lorna. In my dreams. She bought me a new computer, and I was so grateful cos she didn’t have that money to spend. Then she hugged me tight and cried. And I cried.

I’m still guilty about the last night I was with her. She woke me up in the middle of the night making so much noise cos she couldn’t breathe. I went back to sleep. She was in pain and I didn’t even bother to get up.

Bekeysyon ni Lola

This morning, I was watching a Celine Dion concert on DVD when my lola joined me. The finale was a very beautiful presentation of My Heart Will Go On.

*In the middle of the song…*
Lola: “Satanic yan, Chass.”
Me: (no comment)

I wondered what she had againts Celine Dion and why she thought her song was satanic.

Lola: “Satanic yan, diba?”
Chass: “Ewan ko lang…”
Lola: “Yung barko-barko…”

I realized that she meant: “Sa Titanic”

Whew, akala ko kampon ng kadiliman si Celine.

Another story:

*When we drove by 7-11 (F. Ocampo)*

Lola: “Uy, eleben-eleben! Matagal nakong hindi nakakita niyan, wala kasi ganyan sa Cebu…”
Tita: “Hahaha, nanay talaga. Seven-eleven!”

I love it when lola’s here.

The day after I said “I quit”.

I am uninspired. I am uninspired because I am unhappy. I am unhappy in UP Los Baños. Everyday, I walk around the campus wondering what the point of it all is. I am not doing well in school because I have NOTHING TO DO IT FOR.

I envy my friends so much because they all know what they are doing. Caress is doing her computer thing at Mapua. Christian is med tech-ing it in UST. Phoebe and Shan seem happy with their apple-green lanyards. My other friends, though I don’t fully appreciate it, are busy nurse-ing it up.

Me? I am taking Human Ecology.

And everytime I say it, it is followed by: “Human Ecology… ano yun?”

And you know what, I don’t know what it is. I really don’t.

My mom says I should take Mass Communications. In UP Diliman. She says I should transfer. So I checked their website and it said that my GWA must be 2.25 or better. In high school, that’s around 85 or 80, maybe. In Chassagne, that’s “holy-fucking-shit, I won’t qualify”.

I haven’t been making good grades. I am not failing (though I failed basic math), but I am not doing great either. I am merely passing courses for the sake of not having to take them again.

And now that I am thinking about doing what makes me happy, I can’t. Because I wasn’t happy enough to do great last semester, and I am still not happy enough to be doing well this semester, I can’t move to Diliman and just be fucking happy.

I don’t even have friends that will make me think twice about moving to a different school. I know a lot of people but I am not friends with any of them. It’s hard to open up and be close to people when they’re all settled and comfortable and you’re still struggling. I even think they see me as a snob or a boring person because I rarely speak unless spoken to, but ask my real friends, I never stop yapping and laughing.

I chose BS Human Ecology in UPLB because they didn’t offer much for my interest. It was all about engineering or math or science, and everything else I don’t have.

I didn’t make it in Diliman the first time because I was hurt and distracted when I took the test.

I won’t make it in Diliman this time because I am still distracted.

I am smart. I know it. But I am not smart when I don’t know what I am doing things for.

How I wish I knew what I wanted, it’s exhausting to be confused all the time.