Another bitter post

Around this time last year, I was excited to apply to UP. A year has already passed and I am STILL thinking about applying. For shifting, that is. I STILL DO NOT KNOW WHAT I WANT TO DO. I am really thinking about moving to Diliman. Now, I kind of regret that I didn’t think before committing to something that doesn’t even make me happy. It’s going to be hard to move, if ever things go well. Dammit. I hate that college is so complicated. I just got so used to the idea of a fixed schedule, just like in high school. You go through a school year, and after that, you move on to another level. There’s only one option. Everyone takes the same subjects, everyone moves in a uniform pace. In college kasi, you pick your path and you pick your pace. Move slow, and you get left behind feeling like a big pile of steaming crap. College is about freedom, and for some reason I just can’s stand it. Liberty kasi is so overwhelming. Remember that scene from Finding Nemo, when Nemo and his school friends reached the vast part of the ocean? The water was so blue and it appeared endless, there’s nothing in it, no corals, no rocks. There were no landmarks, you could easily get lost and you might never ever find your way back. It’s really scary. That’s how I see freedom in college. If only I could choose, I’d rather have my high school schedule back. I can’t stand college. I feel like I’m stuck, you know, like a claustrophobic stuck in an elevator. I feel so uneasy all the time. If only I passed Diliman the first time, I wouldn’t have wasted a year of my life. If only.

What won’t I give for a secured and sheltered life?